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Who Or What Are You Relating To? Is it a Healthy Relationship?

One of the key themes that comes up in coaching sessions is 'relationships'. Our relationship with ourselves and a number of key relationships in our lives and ones we have to pay attention to.

Who or what are you relating to?

Is it a healthy relationship?

"Surround yourself with the right people, and realize your own worth.
Honestly, there are enough bad people out there in the world - you don't need to be your own worst enemy".
~ Lucy Hale

As with so many things, we roll through life, from one day to the next, not always paying particular attention to what we are doing, or how we are doing it.

Healthy relationships in the following areas will have the biggest impact on how happy and fulfilled we are in life;

  • Ourselves

  • Family

  • Friends

  • Food/Alcohol/Drugs

  • Work/Career

Are these all healthy relationships for you?

If you could improve just one of them which one would you choose?

What behaviours would you need to change to improve these relationships?


You will often hear about the importance of values, knowing what they are and checking that our behaviours are aligned with our values, but what about our needs?

According to one school of thought, we have 6 basic human needs, we can try to meet these in either a positive or negative way.

Often if we have a negative relationship it is because we are trying to meet one of the 6 needs but in a negative way rather than a positive.

It is important to try and identify which need you are trying to fulfil with the behaviour and then identify positive alternatives that you can replace them with.

6 Human Needs – (Tony Robbins)

1. Certainty/Comfort. We all want comfort. And much of this comfort comes from certainty.

2. Variety. At the same time, we want certainty, we also crave variety.

3. Significance. Deep down, we all want to be important. We want our life to have meaning and significance.

4. Connection/Love. It would be hard to argue against the need for love. We want to feel part of a community. We want to be cared for and cared about.

5. Growth. To become better, to improve our skills, to stretch and excel may be more evident in some than others, but it's there.

6. Contribution. The desire to contribute something of value—to help others, to make the world a better place.

Relationships are often the hardest thing we have to deal with.

We automatically think of relationships with other people but the relationship we have with ourselves is the most important.

If we can have a positive relationship with ourselves then this will have a positive impact on the other relationships in our lives.


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First published Dec 2018

Updated and republished Aug 2021

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