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What Shapes Your Narrative, and How Does This Shape Your Life?

Yesterday morning I started my day by logging on to a webinar hosted by Association for Coaching ‘Diversity in Coaching – An Ontological Perspective’ hosted by Aboodi Shadi.

If you haven’t heard the term before, this definition may help:

‘Ontological Coaching is characterised by coaching to ‘Way of Being’.

Our Way of Being is the underlying driver of communication and behaviour. Our perceptions and attitudes, many of which may be deep-seated and out of awareness, exist in our Way of Being’.

Coaching the ‘who’ rather than ‘what’ or as you may have heard me say before – coaching the person, not the problem.

Our autobiography, or way of being, influences the way we behave/act, and therefore influences the results we receive.

In CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy/Coaching) this is often referred to as our beliefs shaping how we think, how we feel, and how we behave.

In NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) one of the presuppositions is ‘The map is not the territory.’ The idea is that the way we see the world isn't reality itself. We don't respond to reality, we respond to our internalized map of reality. How we represent things are our interpretations. Interpretations may or may not be accurate.

You may also hear this referred to as your ‘frame of reference’

(As discussed in the #Fire5atPhoenix Podcast HERE)

‘How we see things may not be as they are’

What shapes your narrative?

Is it a helpful narrative or frame of reference?

Does your narrative lead to the thoughts, feelings and behaviours you want?

How does your narrative shape the results you experience?

This webinar was for coaches to help us to be more aware of how our own narrative and our coachees' narrative can influence and shape the coaching conversation.

Coaching conversations are often centred around a narrative that a coachee holds, particularly those that are limiting, or having an undesired impact through their thoughts, feelings and behaviours.

Coaching questions help the coachee explore different perspectives, different narratives and a safe space to reflect on their existing frame of reference, what has shaped this, and explore how they would like to be, and how they would like to change the script.

These narratives can be conscious and unconscious; sometimes it is a coaching conversation that helps bring the unconscious beliefs into the conscious. Once a person is aware of them they can take a step back to reflect on the influence and impact that they have.


How often do you hear yourself say "That is just the way I am"

Is your way of being having the desired outcome?

‘What do you want instead?’


Our role as a Coach is to help, guide and support our coachee to reflect on the narratives they hold, their perspective, their world views, and how this impacts their way of being.

Coaching is a dedicated and focused time and a safe space to explore what narratives work well for them and to challenge themselves to change those that don’t.

It might be the way you are.

It might be the way you have been.

How would you like it to be in the future?


Have you been thinking about Coaching support to help you with your personal or professional life... or maybe even both?

I offer a free, no-obligation clarity call.

If you would like to book a call we can talk through what you would like to achieve and how coaching can support you.

You can also ask any questions that you may have.

After the call, I will send some follow-up information. You can then take the time you need to decide on a good next step for you.

You can book your call here:

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