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Time to get Unstuck and Change? How Not to Get Stuck in Life's Curve

At what point though do you realise that you need to make a change?

When do you say, “enough is enough”?

When I am talking about change you will hear me talk about the 'Change Curve' by Elizabeth KUBLER ROSS. Whilst this was initially created to explain how people process emotions and healing from bereavement, it has since been used and can be applied to most circumstances of change.

Knowing you need to make a change is one thing, being ready to make the change is another.

With the change curve, you need to identify where you are.

Think about the situation you are in, take a moment, look at the curve diagram, and identify what your present state is.

We don’t all move through the curve at the same pace or the same order and often people will ‘ping pong’ back and forth as they try and work out new approaches.

Once you have identified where you are, you can start to think about what you need to do to get to the ‘Acceptance’ and ‘Moving on’ stages, until the new way is embedded and has become the 'norm'.

  • Understand where you are now.

  • Understand where you want to get to.

  • Understand what the steps may be between these two points.

Change can 'feel' scary. We get comfortable with what is familiar to us so the unknown can feel scary. We have to feel significant discomfort with our present situation so that the change and the unknown feels less scary to us and helps us to take that first step forward.

Denial can play a big part in refusing to accept that there is a problem, and how big the problem has become.

Fear of change or anger that the situation has become ‘this bad’ are often feelings and emotions that people need to work through.

These are conflicting emotions. On the one hand, we don't want to be where we are, and on the other hand, we fear the change ahead of us. We know we don't want to stay where we are and at the same time we aren't sure where we want to be or how to make it happen.

We feel stuck, frustrated and overwhelmed.

For some, the stage of feeling depression can often feel like they have ‘hit rock bottom’. Now, whilst this is negative, this is often the driver for the change that is needed to motivate them to move forwards.

Once you begin to get clarity and understand what needs to change, you begin to accept how you can start to implement changes.

You can begin to picture what the future may look like, you start to envisage how life can be, and in your mind's eye, you are already starting to move forward to where you want to be, and achieve the goal you want to achieve.

If you already know what you want to change, and you know what you need to do to make that change yet struggle to identify why you can’t take that first step, or why you keep going back, the 'Change Curve' may help you see where you have got stuck.

Coaching support can help you with this, as can a support network. The Phoenix Community provides both.

You don’t have to struggle through it alone.

If you want to find out more get in touch I would love to have a chat with you and start the conversation.

- Zoe

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